Confessions of an Ex-Brokenhearted Girl...

I almost always cringe with embarrassment every time I think about how much of a mess I was after my ex-boyfriend and I broke up. The break-up was not initiated by me and although I knew we didn't need to be together, I was comfortable. In my heart I knew that God wasn't being honored in that relationship, and had warned me quite a few times to get out. But I just couldn't do it. I mean, well I could...but let me just be honest with you: Sometimes it's just plain hard to obey God, whom you can't see, vs a man that's sitting in your face. I was choosing a human over God! Now had I had been a mature christian... I would have obeyed quickly because I know that Christ is realer than anything in and out of my life AND humans are purely dust with souls that have to answer to Him.

So, November 2, 2013 I surrendered that relationship to God. I told God that I was going to serve Him whole heartily and that I no longer wanted to be half way committed to Him. I had a ceremony in my room where I said some vows, I cried out to Him "for-real, for-real" and repented for all of the sins that I had committed with my then boyfriend. Less than two weeks later, my then boyfriend called the relationship off. You see, once I rededicated my life back to God, He could really move in my life like He wanted to. He was waiting for me to first surrender to Him, then step a side so He could do what He needed to do in my life!

I'm not even going to front, I was a hot mess before the breakup. Now that I look back on that relationship, I see that I was very manipulative. In order to get my guy to do what I wanted him to do, I used my emotions to influence him. I was an emotional, dramatic wreck, and I can admit that. So he probably had a semi-reason to breakup with me. Was he perfect? Hmm..NO! But he's not here to defend himself so I will keep this solely on me.

Like I mentioned earlier, He probably had a semi-reason to breakup with me, but only in the natural. Real love can overbear anything in the natural. So whatever the reason it was that he broke up with me for could have been fixed. You see, things happening in the natural in and of itself, is not enough to break something that's real. I knew it had to be spiritual also. I knew it was God, because there was nothing...and I mean NOTHING, that I could have done to revive that relationship. It was done.

Okay so here's where all the hotmess-ness started..
I was a train WRECK! I was still trying to be friends with my ex because he suggested. My crazy self agreed, and paid for it later! I had a whole 'lotta soul ties with him so I was super attached!

[Read If hearts are troubled about sex being a sin, or skip to following paragraph]

---------->(Let me just throw this in there: Ladies...sex is wrong outside of marriage. No matter how that man try to flip it. it's WRONG. We are to present our bodies as a living sacrifice holy and ACCEPTABLE to God. (Rom 12:1) And why yourself to a man who hasn't payed the price for you? He did NOTHING for you. You get all attached and you start really seeing him for who he is. Now because you become ILLEGALLY one with him, you want him to change his ways for you. He aint gone CHANGE honey. He cant even die to himself for Christ, What makes you thing he will die to himself for you? And you gotta be careful of who you become one with. "
"Or do you not know that he who joins himself with a prostitute is one body with her? For the Scripture says " The two shall become ONE flesh!"- 1 Corinthians 6:16.
That goes the same for liars, cheaters, and more!
On top of that, the Bible says that such people (fornicators) will NOT enter into the Kingdom of heaven. (Galatians 5:19-21, 1 Corinthians 6:18)
Don't feel condemned if you are currently battling this sin. I want you to know that there is freedom in Christ and the enemy will do ANYTHING he can to keep you in a cell with the door WIDE open. Walk out and approach the Savior with honesty and repentance, Return to your First Love and fall in love with Him allover again. He's waiting for you.) <-----------

[continuation of story]

Okay so at this point, I knew a couple of things for sure:
1. After countless of signs, dreams and conversations, I knew God didn't want me in that relationship.

2. Even if I tried, I couldn't be in that relationship. Grace was totally lifted from it and my ex no longer had a desire to be with me.

3. I needed to get whole with God first, and wait for His BEST because I was sick and tired of getting it wrong with guys.

Needless to say, I needed to move on. I know that this currently may be a rough time for you, but I want you to know that it's going to be alright! I know you may be frustrated and confused, but often times we don't understand God's protection. He is protecting you.You may not understand what He's protecting you from, but He knows. This doesn't mean that the guy is a bad guy, it's just means is not the right one for you. The right one for you will definitely push you closer to God, not away. And you will have a peace about the guy that only comes from God and nothing/no one else. (Philippians 4:7)

Here are a few things I WISH I knew during the breakup:

1. FORGIVE! It's okay for you to be angry and hurt, but don't let it cause you to sin. (Ephesians 4:26) Don't be overcome by your anger. Don't allow the enemy to make you bitter! I struggled with this because I was hurt and I wanted him to hurt. I tried to make it appear as if I was talking to other guys so that he would get jealous. Child please! At some point we must grow up and do things the right way. No need for any of that. Stop trying to repay, that's God's job! This does not mean that you have to be BEST FRIENDS with him. But in all honesty, we have NO room to not forgive anyone. God's grace is so sufficient and He forgives our messiest sins. Who are we to hold ourselves above God to not forgive others? Forgive...YOUR forgiveness depends on it. (Matthew 6:15)

2. Stop checking up on his social media pages!!!!! Just stop it. You are only making it worse. You are  building up more hurt in your heart and God wants to heal you! You keep reminding yourself of your past. Guard your heart! Don't listen to sad songs, or songs that remind you of him. You are on a mission: Healing. If you've prayed for it, it's already yours but you have to walk in it. 

3. Don't entertain him until YOU are ready. Don't rush friendship. What for? He made it clear that don't want to be with you so you guys have absolutely nothing to talk about. Don't hang out with him neither, you'll find yourself trying to convince him of why you guys should be together and it will push him away and make you look desperate. Though you know that you're clearly hurt and not desperate, guys don't think that way. Don't give him the satisfaction. (Oh, and let me keep it real with you: No sex. Sex outside of marriage is already wrong in and of itself. So sex outside of marriage with your ex while trying to heal is really messy. It's too much going on and it just plain wrong. He's using you and you should know better than that. (Love you :-) )

4. He's moved on? SO WHAT?!! Let him move on. The issues he had in y'all's relationship will not disappear, it will only transact into his next. When you run from one relationship to the next, your undelt with issues will be following right with you. Unless he repented and asked God to change him, he will still be the same. And this goes for you too.

5. Stop telling people what happened. Just stop it. "It didn't work out." The end. 

6. Don't obey your emotions! Your emotions: "Maybe I should call or text him. I miss him. Maybe it was all me that messed up. Maybe I should try to fix it. Maybe this was just a test for our relationship. Maybe we are meant to be together." ----->      You to your emotions: "Shut-up."

7. Last but not least. ENJOY your single season and wait for God's best!!! Beautiful, I cannot stress that enough! This season is not some curse.God wants to use you!! Get up and do something! Stop sitting in your room all day crying and sad. Volunteer, hang with your girls, and most of all SPEND quality time with God! Once you spend time with Him, your heart will start to look like His and your actions will follow. He knows you just went through a breakup so He will be helping you get through this!!! He wants to make you whole! GOD will send His best for your life to you..& When he comes, you'll understand why things didn't work out with your ex! Your ex may not have been a bad person, he just isn't good for you. He's probably someone else's prince and that's fine! Do me a favor, promise me you won't try to pick your men anymore!

 And note this: No one should EVER take the place of Christ in your life! He must be FIRST...everything else(including a man, if/when God see fit) will be added to you.(Matt 6:33) A man shouldn't be your focus!!













(DISCLAIMER* You and your ex may get back together if it's God's will! But don't count on it. Make sure that you're being GOD-LED in your decision. I will be writing a blog on being God-led vs. being emotionally-led soon. )


Remember that this is all working together for your good and you will be testifying about this one day to young lady who may be going through the same! Be encouraged my dear, I promise that with Christ, you will be just fine!


                 from my heart to yours,
                                  -Mesha R.